Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Divison Meeting
This is my last post for the evening. But I had to share. I am going to a Division Meeting at the end of this week with my company in Myrtle Beach. I am very excited, but also kind of nervous. Why nervous...well this will be the first time that I have alcohol since my surgery. It should be very interesting. Not sure how that is going to go. But know...I will post about it after the fact. Maybe even while buzzes, if you're lucky. Mwhahaha!!!!
Significant Others
As of yet, I have written about me and my experience. But there are other people to consider. Mainly I am going to talk about my husband, Tom.
I am not usually a self-absorbed person. But since I've had this surgery I've thought about how it's effected me. But it's also effected my family. Now don't get me wrong, I still go grocery shopping and cook most of the meals. It's not like I neglect them. It's that I have to think more about what I am going to eat and how much I am going to eat and more about food choices.
We usually go out to eat about once a week usually on Friday nights. We haven't been going out to eat since the surgery because my diet was so restrictive. We've started eating out again. Tom was really wanting to go to Pizza Hut. So, we went. In order for me to eat pizza, I scraped the toppings off the pizza and just eat the toppings. According to my diet I am not to have bread for another week. Tom felt so bad. I didn't mind, but he was worried anyhow.
Another issue is portion size. This is something that he is learning with me. It's not easy. At first he would get me too much, and would of course feel bad. HA. But now he is doing much better. Plus now he laughs that I can't even eat as much as our 6-year-old. Heck, I laugh that I can't eat as much as he can.
And the best thing about Tom is that he saves me from me. :) I had to have him hide my scale. I freely admit that I have no self control. I was not weighing myself once a week. I wasn't even weighing myself once a day. I was weighing myself 5-6 times a day. On top of that, when the scale did not read what I expected I would not deal well. And I really didn't do well the week that I gained a pound. But through it all there was Tom. Being my rock. Being my strength. And reminding me that I am bat shit crazy. I love him.
Just remember, whatever effects you also effects those that love you. :)
I am not usually a self-absorbed person. But since I've had this surgery I've thought about how it's effected me. But it's also effected my family. Now don't get me wrong, I still go grocery shopping and cook most of the meals. It's not like I neglect them. It's that I have to think more about what I am going to eat and how much I am going to eat and more about food choices.
We usually go out to eat about once a week usually on Friday nights. We haven't been going out to eat since the surgery because my diet was so restrictive. We've started eating out again. Tom was really wanting to go to Pizza Hut. So, we went. In order for me to eat pizza, I scraped the toppings off the pizza and just eat the toppings. According to my diet I am not to have bread for another week. Tom felt so bad. I didn't mind, but he was worried anyhow.
Another issue is portion size. This is something that he is learning with me. It's not easy. At first he would get me too much, and would of course feel bad. HA. But now he is doing much better. Plus now he laughs that I can't even eat as much as our 6-year-old. Heck, I laugh that I can't eat as much as he can.
And the best thing about Tom is that he saves me from me. :) I had to have him hide my scale. I freely admit that I have no self control. I was not weighing myself once a week. I wasn't even weighing myself once a day. I was weighing myself 5-6 times a day. On top of that, when the scale did not read what I expected I would not deal well. And I really didn't do well the week that I gained a pound. But through it all there was Tom. Being my rock. Being my strength. And reminding me that I am bat shit crazy. I love him.
Just remember, whatever effects you also effects those that love you. :)
BM
First, I know it's been a while since I have blogged. But I've had a lot in my mind that I want to talk about. So, instead of writing one long post with an overload of information I'm going to split it up. Now, this first post some people might think is too much information. So, if bowel movements are something that you do not wish to read about, skip this post. Also, I am going to abbreviate a bowel movement (BM).
Recently I have been having issues with BMs, When I first had the surgery I didn't have one for the first week. Then starting week 2 I had them, mainly after my protein shake, but they were pure liquid. A few oopsies along the way. But the last couple of weeks I have had issues with the other extreme.
If you've read my previous post you know that there was a day in which I had extreme pain for no apparent reason. I couldn't figure it out. Well, the next day the same thing happened. It didn't last as long. But it was extreme pain. And then I realized that I needed to have a BM. That day was a very bad day for me. I sat for a long time on the toliet. Praying and willing God to please allow this to happen. A little would come out and then nothing. Then gas, and more straining. OK, this is probably more information than anyone, even a doctor, would want to know. Finally everything passed. Thank God. I did ask Tom, "How can a body make something so big that the body can't pass it?" And boy oh boy was I too sore for days afterwards.
Previous to this experience I had been taking a stoll softner. The last time I lost weight I had this issue and my doctor suggested that. So, for the past month I have been taking one a day. But after this experience I knew that something had to change. Now I am taking a stool softner and two laxatives everyday.
I don't have a daily BM like I did prior to the surgery. But I am having them more often and they aren't too solid or too soft. YAY!!!!
Recently I have been having issues with BMs, When I first had the surgery I didn't have one for the first week. Then starting week 2 I had them, mainly after my protein shake, but they were pure liquid. A few oopsies along the way. But the last couple of weeks I have had issues with the other extreme.
If you've read my previous post you know that there was a day in which I had extreme pain for no apparent reason. I couldn't figure it out. Well, the next day the same thing happened. It didn't last as long. But it was extreme pain. And then I realized that I needed to have a BM. That day was a very bad day for me. I sat for a long time on the toliet. Praying and willing God to please allow this to happen. A little would come out and then nothing. Then gas, and more straining. OK, this is probably more information than anyone, even a doctor, would want to know. Finally everything passed. Thank God. I did ask Tom, "How can a body make something so big that the body can't pass it?" And boy oh boy was I too sore for days afterwards.
Previous to this experience I had been taking a stoll softner. The last time I lost weight I had this issue and my doctor suggested that. So, for the past month I have been taking one a day. But after this experience I knew that something had to change. Now I am taking a stool softner and two laxatives everyday.
I don't have a daily BM like I did prior to the surgery. But I am having them more often and they aren't too solid or too soft. YAY!!!!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Stabbing pains.
The weirdest thing happened today. I was going through my day as normal, and decided to take a break between appointments and go to Wal-Mart. I had the last of my Protein shake for breakfast, so figured that I should get some more. Plus, I needed to pick up some groceries.
I get over to the area where I purchase my Protein Shake and again notice that they have Fruit Punch. I got the containers of my normal protein shake and was thinking about getting a fruit punch to try something different. At the last moment I decided not to get a big container of it, because I had no clue if I would like it or not. Instead, they had shots of it that you could purchase. So, I figured that I would try that instead. Standing in Wal-mart I cracked it open and took a drink. OMG, it was the most disgusting thing that I have ever had in my mouth. (And if you know me...that's saying a LOT.) I really had to try hard not to throw up.
But even though it was gross, I can't stand to waste money. Sure, it was only $2 but that would have been a waste, so I decided to finish it. First, I shook it up because I thought it tasted thick and maybe it would help to shake it. And then I downed it. It wasn't that big, maybe 10 oz. Afterwards I had to stand very still with my eyes closed. I shook a little and had to concentrate very hard to keep from tossing my cookies.
I didn't feel well as I walked and got the rest of the groceries, but just ill. I checked out and went out to my car, and then it hit me, the most unbelievable pain. I am not sure the last time I was in that kind of pain. But I had stabbing pains all through my gut. I sat in my car rocking back and forth trying something.
It was so bad that I actually had to cancel my last appointments of the day. (For those of you that don't know me...I am not one to cancel or be late.) And it was difficult to call my merchants to cancel and not moan in pain while I was on the phone.
The pains through my stomach and abdomen lasted about 2 hours. And then all of a sudden they were gone. Tom came up with a lot of things that may have caused this pain, but I think the most reasonable is that it was gas. Now don't get me wrong, this was not ordinary gas. I've had gas before, I've even had painful gas before, but this was taking that to the next level, and I have a really high tolerance for pain.
Tom figures that I drank the protein shake too fast. I'm not sure if that is why, or because I shook it up, or a combination of lots of things. But anyway, it hurt a lot and I hope to never experience that again.
I get over to the area where I purchase my Protein Shake and again notice that they have Fruit Punch. I got the containers of my normal protein shake and was thinking about getting a fruit punch to try something different. At the last moment I decided not to get a big container of it, because I had no clue if I would like it or not. Instead, they had shots of it that you could purchase. So, I figured that I would try that instead. Standing in Wal-mart I cracked it open and took a drink. OMG, it was the most disgusting thing that I have ever had in my mouth. (And if you know me...that's saying a LOT.) I really had to try hard not to throw up.
But even though it was gross, I can't stand to waste money. Sure, it was only $2 but that would have been a waste, so I decided to finish it. First, I shook it up because I thought it tasted thick and maybe it would help to shake it. And then I downed it. It wasn't that big, maybe 10 oz. Afterwards I had to stand very still with my eyes closed. I shook a little and had to concentrate very hard to keep from tossing my cookies.
I didn't feel well as I walked and got the rest of the groceries, but just ill. I checked out and went out to my car, and then it hit me, the most unbelievable pain. I am not sure the last time I was in that kind of pain. But I had stabbing pains all through my gut. I sat in my car rocking back and forth trying something.
It was so bad that I actually had to cancel my last appointments of the day. (For those of you that don't know me...I am not one to cancel or be late.) And it was difficult to call my merchants to cancel and not moan in pain while I was on the phone.
The pains through my stomach and abdomen lasted about 2 hours. And then all of a sudden they were gone. Tom came up with a lot of things that may have caused this pain, but I think the most reasonable is that it was gas. Now don't get me wrong, this was not ordinary gas. I've had gas before, I've even had painful gas before, but this was taking that to the next level, and I have a really high tolerance for pain.
Tom figures that I drank the protein shake too fast. I'm not sure if that is why, or because I shook it up, or a combination of lots of things. But anyway, it hurt a lot and I hope to never experience that again.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Step away from the ledge
OK, I knew it was going to be bad, but I had not idea how bad it was going to be. I actually gained a pound this past week. I can't tell you how depressed this made me. No really, between the horrible weekend that I had and having gained a pound I really had to focus on the positive in my life this morning to keep from doing something stupid. (Not actually hurting myself, but just freaking out.)
Of course the questions come. What in the hell am I doing? Why am I putting my body through this for something that isn't working anyway? How can I have gained weight when I AM NOT EATING???
After a lot of soul searching, I realized that this is indeed all of my fault. Like I said in my previous post, I have not been exercising. On top of that, to be honest I have been cheating. Here's the thing...I have been experimenting with my diet. Just seeing what I can and can not tolerate. Things that I can tolerate...fried food, hersey's kisses, chocolate cake. And what should I NOT eat, fried food, hersey's kisses, and chocolate cake. In addition to that, instead of eating my 1/4 cup of food, I have pushed it a couple of times. I haven't been measuring my food. Instead, I have been eating until I am full. TOO MUCH!!!
So, anyone out there that thinks that weight loss surgery is an easy out I hope you realize how very wrong you are. Starting today, I am back on it. No chocolate, no fried food, measuring my food, AND exercising. My diet has been good today, I have had no chocolate, and I took my boys to the mall and we walked 1 1/2 laps. I also have started wearing my step counter. I am really thinking that if I get back on track, next week will be better.
Oh, one last thing. About my step counter. My plan is to keep track of how many steps that I take a day. Today I didn't put it on until 10:30, and I got in 4837 steps. I thought that this was really good. It was a lot more than I was used to walking. So, I checked my stats on-line and according to the website I saw it said that anything under 5000 steps is considered a seditary lifestyle. *sigh* I need to get up to 10,000 steps a day. But I do realize that this is not going to happen overnight, but that is my goal.
Of course the questions come. What in the hell am I doing? Why am I putting my body through this for something that isn't working anyway? How can I have gained weight when I AM NOT EATING???
After a lot of soul searching, I realized that this is indeed all of my fault. Like I said in my previous post, I have not been exercising. On top of that, to be honest I have been cheating. Here's the thing...I have been experimenting with my diet. Just seeing what I can and can not tolerate. Things that I can tolerate...fried food, hersey's kisses, chocolate cake. And what should I NOT eat, fried food, hersey's kisses, and chocolate cake. In addition to that, instead of eating my 1/4 cup of food, I have pushed it a couple of times. I haven't been measuring my food. Instead, I have been eating until I am full. TOO MUCH!!!
So, anyone out there that thinks that weight loss surgery is an easy out I hope you realize how very wrong you are. Starting today, I am back on it. No chocolate, no fried food, measuring my food, AND exercising. My diet has been good today, I have had no chocolate, and I took my boys to the mall and we walked 1 1/2 laps. I also have started wearing my step counter. I am really thinking that if I get back on track, next week will be better.
Oh, one last thing. About my step counter. My plan is to keep track of how many steps that I take a day. Today I didn't put it on until 10:30, and I got in 4837 steps. I thought that this was really good. It was a lot more than I was used to walking. So, I checked my stats on-line and according to the website I saw it said that anything under 5000 steps is considered a seditary lifestyle. *sigh* I need to get up to 10,000 steps a day. But I do realize that this is not going to happen overnight, but that is my goal.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Obsession
Things are still going really well since my surgery. All the real issues that I seem to have are mental issues. (Yes, I know...I am mental. LOL) Tom, being the loving husband that he is, hid my scale from me earlier this week. Yes, I asked him to do this for me. There are several people that will tell you that you should only weigh yourself once a day. Then there are those that will tell you that it's ok to weigh yourself once a day. But me, well I had gotten to the point to which I was weighing myself 5-6 times a day. And I don't think that there is anyone that would say that is healthy. And obviously I don't have enough self control to stop myself. Therefore, he hid it for me.
The only problem I really have now is that I have NO idea how much I have gained or lost this week. And I won't know until last tomorrow. And yes, I am worried about it. I have heard about people that have lost 65 pounds in the same amount of time as I have. Yes, I get that that is too much weight too fast. But still, I am no where near there. And I am not sure what "normal" is. I think that is also part of the problem.
I did start walking this week. Yes, I was supposed to start walking before now, and maybe that is part of why I haven't lost more. But I went to the mall, and walked around the top floor. I did this on Wednesday. I should have done it more this week, but I really had a busy week. On Thursday I was on my feet all day. And then on Friday Tom's Grandma and Mom came in town, so I didn't have time to walk. Between last minute cleaning and cooking dinner, I just didn't have time. (See, I am the queen of excuses.)
Since I brought up Tom's Grandma and Mom I do have to complain for a minute about them. I'm not going to get into all of my issues with them, because no one has that kind of time. But only what has to do with my surgery. Well, ok, two things. First, everytime my MIL has come down I have made sure that dinner was waiting for her. It's not that big of a deal, just something that I think is nice and I do for her. When Tom's Grandma and she arrive on Friday they are shocked that I have dinner waiting for them. They actually stopped to get food because they didn't think that I would have dinner waiting for them. And why would they think that. Their reasoning is that because I can't eat, they didn't think that I would cook. Ummmm, ok. Even though my diet is limited and I don't eat much I do still eat. And on top of that, what do they think I do with Benjamin and Tom. What, I don't eat so no one eats?
The next thing. Everytime my MIL comes into town on Saturday we go out to dinner. She said that she enjoys taking us out to eat. But everytime we go she will only go to Golden Corral. Even though Tom has told her that she does not enjoy it there. So, when they came down she asked us about that. I told her that I can go out to eat, but it makes no sense for me to go to Golden Corral, rr any buffet for that matter. I can only eat 1/4 cup of food per meal. It makes NO sense to pay $9 for me to eat 1/4 cup. And because of that, she didn't take us out to eat. Not that I care about going out to eat with her. BUT....because I couldn't go where she wanted, we didn't go.
OK....enough for now. Trying not to stress about weigh in tomorrow...but we'll see.
The only problem I really have now is that I have NO idea how much I have gained or lost this week. And I won't know until last tomorrow. And yes, I am worried about it. I have heard about people that have lost 65 pounds in the same amount of time as I have. Yes, I get that that is too much weight too fast. But still, I am no where near there. And I am not sure what "normal" is. I think that is also part of the problem.
I did start walking this week. Yes, I was supposed to start walking before now, and maybe that is part of why I haven't lost more. But I went to the mall, and walked around the top floor. I did this on Wednesday. I should have done it more this week, but I really had a busy week. On Thursday I was on my feet all day. And then on Friday Tom's Grandma and Mom came in town, so I didn't have time to walk. Between last minute cleaning and cooking dinner, I just didn't have time. (See, I am the queen of excuses.)
Since I brought up Tom's Grandma and Mom I do have to complain for a minute about them. I'm not going to get into all of my issues with them, because no one has that kind of time. But only what has to do with my surgery. Well, ok, two things. First, everytime my MIL has come down I have made sure that dinner was waiting for her. It's not that big of a deal, just something that I think is nice and I do for her. When Tom's Grandma and she arrive on Friday they are shocked that I have dinner waiting for them. They actually stopped to get food because they didn't think that I would have dinner waiting for them. And why would they think that. Their reasoning is that because I can't eat, they didn't think that I would cook. Ummmm, ok. Even though my diet is limited and I don't eat much I do still eat. And on top of that, what do they think I do with Benjamin and Tom. What, I don't eat so no one eats?
The next thing. Everytime my MIL comes into town on Saturday we go out to dinner. She said that she enjoys taking us out to eat. But everytime we go she will only go to Golden Corral. Even though Tom has told her that she does not enjoy it there. So, when they came down she asked us about that. I told her that I can go out to eat, but it makes no sense for me to go to Golden Corral, rr any buffet for that matter. I can only eat 1/4 cup of food per meal. It makes NO sense to pay $9 for me to eat 1/4 cup. And because of that, she didn't take us out to eat. Not that I care about going out to eat with her. BUT....because I couldn't go where she wanted, we didn't go.
OK....enough for now. Trying not to stress about weigh in tomorrow...but we'll see.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Another week done
Well, another week down, and I am still losing...which is happy. I knew that I hadn't lost as much as the weeks in the past, but I don't think that 6 pounds is anything to sneeze at.
My diet is going well. The transition to this next diet was a lot easier than previous weeks. I have heard a lot of other people that have had this surgery and are in this stage that they are on a diferent diet. I am on soft foods, which is like canned meats, canned fruits, canned veggies, and cheese. But I have heard other people saw that at this stage they put their meals in a blender and make it puree. To me, that sounds pretty gross. I know one woman even said that she put all of her dinner in a blender and blended it without seperating the food. I mean, yuck.
So, my current issues. First, I no longer have anything close to a balanced meal. Haven't figured out how to do that with 3 meals a day and 2 oz of food per meal. So far I do an egg for breakfast, a meat for lunch, and a veggie for dinner.
Second issue, I have energy level issues.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
A day and a half early....
My next change of diet was not to begin until Monday. But I made a decision to change my diet early. The first time I made a change in my diet, I was in pain the first few days when I tried to eat. I figured that I didn't want to be at work and try to eat and be in pain. I spoke to Tom about this and he agreed.
Today I had my regular full liquid diet for most of the day. But then for dinner instead of my regular diet I tried tuna. I was very surprised because it wasn't painful at all. I don't think that I am completely out of the woods yet. Because going back to the first change that I made, the first time I ate I wasn't in pain, but the next several times were painful. I guess only time will tell.
My weight loss has slowed down. I am trying not to be too concerned about that. It's especially odd considering that I went back to work this week and so have been moving a lot more. But still, the weight is coming off more slowly. I am sure that is to be expected to some extent. I also have not had a BP in several days, actually I can't remember the last time that I had one...so that may playing into it. I am not sure if I should be concerned about this. I think I am going to start keeping track.
Good news is that my blood pressure has dropped. I have stopped taking my medication. I didn't decide to, my prescription ran out and my doctor hasn't refilled it yet. But even without my medication my blood pressure has been averaging 106/65. My pulse is still high, but it's always been high and my doctor's never seem concerned so I figure it's ok.
Overall, I am still very happy.
Today I had my regular full liquid diet for most of the day. But then for dinner instead of my regular diet I tried tuna. I was very surprised because it wasn't painful at all. I don't think that I am completely out of the woods yet. Because going back to the first change that I made, the first time I ate I wasn't in pain, but the next several times were painful. I guess only time will tell.
My weight loss has slowed down. I am trying not to be too concerned about that. It's especially odd considering that I went back to work this week and so have been moving a lot more. But still, the weight is coming off more slowly. I am sure that is to be expected to some extent. I also have not had a BP in several days, actually I can't remember the last time that I had one...so that may playing into it. I am not sure if I should be concerned about this. I think I am going to start keeping track.
Good news is that my blood pressure has dropped. I have stopped taking my medication. I didn't decide to, my prescription ran out and my doctor hasn't refilled it yet. But even without my medication my blood pressure has been averaging 106/65. My pulse is still high, but it's always been high and my doctor's never seem concerned so I figure it's ok.
Overall, I am still very happy.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
First day back.
Today was the first day back at work. It was pretty uneventful, which is nice. I was worried about being sleepy or just not feeling it. But it wasn't bad at all.
I did have one issue today. I was walking in to a merchant's location and then all of a sudden I became very dizzy. I actually had to hang one to the wall to steady myself. Now I know that
Monday, September 6, 2010
Gross and disturbing....
Warning, not for the weak stomachedThis post is not really all that gross and disturbing, I just wanted to label it that way to give warning. People that do not do well with medical stuff should probably avoid this post.
As you can see, I am having some issues with one of my incisions. The rest have healed nicely, but this one is my largest one, and doesn't seem to have healed all of the way yet. When I first had my operation I had staples holding all of my incisions together.
Last week, I went in and had the staples removed. This is the largest incision, and so after they took the staples out the nurse put some medical tape over it to keep it closed. Yesterday the tape came off, and this is what I am left with. Not really sure what to think. It's not all the way open. I know that it looks like it is, but the inside is held together. I am sure that I have internal stitches. So, that combined with the healing has taken place is holding me together.
Yesterday I was concerned about it, so Tom sort of tugged on it and it held. So I guess it's not as bad as it looks. But I think it looks pretty bad.
I have also come to the conclusion that I am allergic to medical tape. There is something in the adhesive that does not do well with my skin. When I first took the bandages off, the skin underneath was red and swollen. And it was more than just the normal skin being tugged irritation. It lasted several days. But when I had the tape closing this incision removed it actually moved part of my skin. The skin peeled off like it had been blistered.
One more thing on the medical front, and this is primarily for those that are thinking about having this surgery or any weight loss surgery for that matter. The first few weeks after your surgery you will be on a liquid diet. Something about liquid diets. When you are on a liquid diet, everything that comes in is liquid, but that also means that everything that comes out is liquid. And passing gas can be sneaky. I think we all know what I eamn without going into specifics.
On the upside, I am almost down 20 pounds. I am just too happy. :)
As you can see, I am having some issues with one of my incisions. The rest have healed nicely, but this one is my largest one, and doesn't seem to have healed all of the way yet. When I first had my operation I had staples holding all of my incisions together.
Last week, I went in and had the staples removed. This is the largest incision, and so after they took the staples out the nurse put some medical tape over it to keep it closed. Yesterday the tape came off, and this is what I am left with. Not really sure what to think. It's not all the way open. I know that it looks like it is, but the inside is held together. I am sure that I have internal stitches. So, that combined with the healing has taken place is holding me together.
Yesterday I was concerned about it, so Tom sort of tugged on it and it held. So I guess it's not as bad as it looks. But I think it looks pretty bad.
I have also come to the conclusion that I am allergic to medical tape. There is something in the adhesive that does not do well with my skin. When I first took the bandages off, the skin underneath was red and swollen. And it was more than just the normal skin being tugged irritation. It lasted several days. But when I had the tape closing this incision removed it actually moved part of my skin. The skin peeled off like it had been blistered.
One more thing on the medical front, and this is primarily for those that are thinking about having this surgery or any weight loss surgery for that matter. The first few weeks after your surgery you will be on a liquid diet. Something about liquid diets. When you are on a liquid diet, everything that comes in is liquid, but that also means that everything that comes out is liquid. And passing gas can be sneaky. I think we all know what I eamn without going into specifics.
On the upside, I am almost down 20 pounds. I am just too happy. :)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Addiction
I've always known that I've had an addictive personality. I have had problems in the past with smoking and even drinking for a while. Not sure if they were actual addictions, or habits. But I did way too much of both.
And now, I can admit that I have an addiction to food. I really was blind for years thinking that I didn't. But I really believe that I do. And no, not just because I am overweight. Since my surgery I have been on a very restrictive diet. I thought I was doing ok wih it. But I guess not.
I have been very moody recently. OK, that's a nice way of putting it. I have been a downright bitch lately. But it seems to come and go. Anyhow, this morning I hit a breaking point. I got really mad and then started crying. When Tom asked what was wrong, I turned on him. I pretty much dumped everything that he's ever done to wrong on him. Then I told him that I hated him and stormed off to our bedroom, slammed the door, and cried myself into a nap.
OK, for the record...Tom did nothing wrong. Ben did nothing wrong, but I yelled at him as well. I have never treated any of them like that...and I love them both more than anything. I just turned hateful.
Part of it I am blaming on lack of sleep. (I only got a few hours of sleep last night.) Part of it I am blaming on the fact that I store up too much before I say what's wrong. But the majority I blame on my addiction.
Not only am breaking my addiction to food, but I had also started smoking again. I stopped since the surgery because I needed to, but also because complications can be increased because of smoking. I am free of all kinds of substances, food, cigarettes, and soda (which I also adore.)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Poll
Just as an FYI, I put a poll at the bottom of this page. I'd love for you all to vote in the poll.
Thanks!!!
Thanks!!!
Dinning Out
Yesterday was a very hard day for me. First you need to know that I love me some Zaxby's. And when I say love I mean LOVE. Their fries, their chicken, their celery, their bread...I love it all.
Tom had been craving Zaxby's for a couple days, so last night when it was dinner time he asked me if it was ok if he and Benjamin went to Zaxby's. I said sure, no problem. I took my knitting and figured that I would be ok. Boy was I wrong.
Now don't get me wrong, I have been to some restaurants since my surgery. When my parents were here we went to two of my other favorite restaurants, Red Robin and Harbor Inn. So, why this hit me so hard, I don't know.
It just smelled so good, and looked so good. Without meaning to, I became very moody. I became very irritable. I even told Tom that I was having a hard time. He offered to go home, but I said that we could stay.
Not sure what that was all about, but I have decided that until I can go to a restaurant and actually eat, that I won't be going. I've tried...but really...no one wants to be around me when I am cranky. For the next couple of weeks, when the boys want to go out to eat, I will stay at home and do something positive for me like go for a walk or something else positive.
Tom had been craving Zaxby's for a couple days, so last night when it was dinner time he asked me if it was ok if he and Benjamin went to Zaxby's. I said sure, no problem. I took my knitting and figured that I would be ok. Boy was I wrong.
Now don't get me wrong, I have been to some restaurants since my surgery. When my parents were here we went to two of my other favorite restaurants, Red Robin and Harbor Inn. So, why this hit me so hard, I don't know.
It just smelled so good, and looked so good. Without meaning to, I became very moody. I became very irritable. I even told Tom that I was having a hard time. He offered to go home, but I said that we could stay.
Not sure what that was all about, but I have decided that until I can go to a restaurant and actually eat, that I won't be going. I've tried...but really...no one wants to be around me when I am cranky. For the next couple of weeks, when the boys want to go out to eat, I will stay at home and do something positive for me like go for a walk or something else positive.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sometimes I am slow....
This entire week I have been having issues with diet #2, the full liquid diet. Just so we're clear, a full liquid diet is not just liquids. I am to have 3 "meals" a day consisting of 1/4 cup of either a cream soup, pudding, grits, or oatmeal. But for some reason, every time I ate my "meal" I was in a good amount of pain. It felt like I was swallowing a bowling ball and then when it hit my stomach I had stabbing pains.
It finally dawned on my today what the problem. One of the things that they told us when in our pre-op class was that we had to wait a half hour after we drank to eat anything. And then we had to wait a half hour after the meal before we had anything to drink again. At the time I found this pretty odd, and then somehow it slipped my mind.
I am not sure why this just dawned on me today, but it did. So, I waited a half hour after drinking before I ate. The meal seemed to do much better. Now that being said, the pain was not completely gone. It was just a LOT less of it.
Then I remembered something else. They also told us that we needed to eat slow. This is NOT something that I am good at. I have always been one to shovel in food. I attribute that to high school. I was always one that didn't want to waste time eating when I could be hanging out with my friends.
So, step number two was to slow down my eating. I had a 1/4 cup of oatmeal and it took my about 20 minutes to finish it. Weird, eh? But I would take about half a spoonful, then set down my spoon and wait a few minutes. I repeatedly this several times, until all my food was gone. I feel that it went a lot better. Again, the pain was still there, but it was a lot more manageable.
Oh...and one last thing. The gas that I had anytime I drank anything has also decreased greatly. This makes me very happy. :)
It finally dawned on my today what the problem. One of the things that they told us when in our pre-op class was that we had to wait a half hour after we drank to eat anything. And then we had to wait a half hour after the meal before we had anything to drink again. At the time I found this pretty odd, and then somehow it slipped my mind.
I am not sure why this just dawned on me today, but it did. So, I waited a half hour after drinking before I ate. The meal seemed to do much better. Now that being said, the pain was not completely gone. It was just a LOT less of it.
Then I remembered something else. They also told us that we needed to eat slow. This is NOT something that I am good at. I have always been one to shovel in food. I attribute that to high school. I was always one that didn't want to waste time eating when I could be hanging out with my friends.
So, step number two was to slow down my eating. I had a 1/4 cup of oatmeal and it took my about 20 minutes to finish it. Weird, eh? But I would take about half a spoonful, then set down my spoon and wait a few minutes. I repeatedly this several times, until all my food was gone. I feel that it went a lot better. Again, the pain was still there, but it was a lot more manageable.
Oh...and one last thing. The gas that I had anytime I drank anything has also decreased greatly. This makes me very happy. :)
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