I've always known that I've had an addictive personality. I have had problems in the past with smoking and even drinking for a while. Not sure if they were actual addictions, or habits. But I did way too much of both.
And now, I can admit that I have an addiction to food. I really was blind for years thinking that I didn't. But I really believe that I do. And no, not just because I am overweight. Since my surgery I have been on a very restrictive diet. I thought I was doing ok wih it. But I guess not.
I have been very moody recently. OK, that's a nice way of putting it. I have been a downright bitch lately. But it seems to come and go. Anyhow, this morning I hit a breaking point. I got really mad and then started crying. When Tom asked what was wrong, I turned on him. I pretty much dumped everything that he's ever done to wrong on him. Then I told him that I hated him and stormed off to our bedroom, slammed the door, and cried myself into a nap.
OK, for the record...Tom did nothing wrong. Ben did nothing wrong, but I yelled at him as well. I have never treated any of them like that...and I love them both more than anything. I just turned hateful.
Part of it I am blaming on lack of sleep. (I only got a few hours of sleep last night.) Part of it I am blaming on the fact that I store up too much before I say what's wrong. But the majority I blame on my addiction.
Not only am breaking my addiction to food, but I had also started smoking again. I stopped since the surgery because I needed to, but also because complications can be increased because of smoking. I am free of all kinds of substances, food, cigarettes, and soda (which I also adore.)
Honey, It does gets better, I promise. I had the same issues. As time goes by the good days out weigh the bad (No pun intended), till they are all gone. You just need to put your relationship with food into a different perspective. "You rule the food, the food does not rule you.", just say that to yourself in your head of course, otherwise anyone around you will think you are insane. If it make you feel any better, I had a sleeve and I love food and I mean really love food. Heck, I collect cook books and anything related to cooking. I love to cook and eat. I find it relaxing and comforting, therapeutic and a way of showing my love. You can find ways to enjoy your favorite foods with less guilt. I am a tweaker and by this I constantly adjust recipes to make them better and healthier. I love to share if there is anything that you need in this department I would love to help you out. We hardly ever eat out because I can make just about anything you get when you go out to eat. P.S. BE VERY CAREFUL AS TIME GOES ON YOU ARE GOING TO FIND THAT YOU CAN EAT SOME OF YOUR FAVORITES FOODS AGAIN. Please don't hesitate if you have any questions. The first 6 to 8 mos are the toughest and you need all the support you can get. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteAwww,thanks Kristin. I really appreciate your comments. It really helps.
ReplyDeleteI actually think that by expressing some of what I was going through helped a lot. Yesterday I was able to cook Monkey Bread for my hubby and son without getting upset.
Thanks for your support. :)